Kids & Divorce

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Divorce is one of the most significant changes a child can experience. As a child is navigating their new reality, they need time to adjust emotionally and mentally. With the upcoming school year, those stressors can multiply, such as new friends, teachers, routines, social dynamics, and academic expectations. 

It is vital that parents foster a supportive environment for their children to thrive. Through conflict management and creating positive parenting practices, you can have a significant impact on children’s growth and resilience. 

Co-Parenting & Communication 

Despite any differences that you may have with your co-parent, it is key to remain a united front to create a smooth transition as your child enters a new school year. Having regular communication regarding transportation, afterschool activities, and major events will help your child feel supported. We recommend creating a shared calendar for your child’s events so you can both make changes and always have access. 

Your goal should be to maintain stability as much as possible between both houses. An important aspect of this is creating a routine in both homes that your child feels comfortable with. All children experience stress as they transition back to school, and it takes time to develop a new routine. However, a divorce can intensify these feelings, as children can feel a loss of security. Before the school year begins, discuss with your child and co-parent a routine that both homes will implement to support your child’s back-to-school transition. Both parents mirroring the routine will give your child comfort to know that their daily actions can remain intact. 

Regular, healthy communication is key between both co-parents. Some families find it beneficial to agree that one parent will be responsible for all communications from their child’s school and must share that information with the other parent. They can establish a system for how the other parent wishes to be notified about permission slips, assignments, and paperwork. They agree that all decisions will be made together, but this proactive parenting arrangement can help prevent missed deadlines, mix-ups, and lost assignments. This structure also avoids any added stress on your child to be responsible for coordinating with each parent.

Tell Your Child’s School About the Divorce

Parents should notify their children’s teachers of their divorce so they can work together as your child’s support system. Your child’s teacher can observe if the divorce is having an emotional impact on your child. Kids spend a significant amount of their day at school, so teachers are a great resource to evaluate your child’s emotional state as an outside party. You can also collaborate with the school counselor to provide additional support. 

Alerting your child’s school of your separation can also be beneficial logistically so you can both be on your child’s school notification and mailing lists. This can eliminate any conflict that may arise if only one parent receives information from the school. Although it is important that your child has belongings at both households, collaborating with the school’s staff can also help your child find a discrete location for them to bring items back and forth between the two houses. 

Strategize How Your Child Will Talk About the Divorce 

To help your child prepare to go back to school, parents should consider establishing a plan with their children about how to answer questions regarding your divorce. There is no way to control some of the outrageous things that come out of other kids’ mouths. To protect your child, work together to create an answer that they would be comfortable providing to other kids if they are asked about the divorce at school. This can help minimize social anxiety related to the separation if they are prepared with tools on how to speak about it socially. 

Let Your Child Cope

As your child strives to balance new routines, responsibilities, and emotions, you need to be patient and give your child the time to cope with these momentous changes. As your child approaches these complex feelings and issues, they may come home with a bad grade or behavioral outburst. Be empathetic. If it becomes a trend, then work with your co-parent and their teachers to find the appropriate interventions to support your child. 

Furthermore, parents should understand the physical response to stress that children exhibit, such as stomach or headaches. These are all natural responses to big changes. When monitoring your child’s reaction to this transitional time, take note of their symptoms and changes in behavior. Parents should create an empathetic, supportive environment to minimize their emotional stress. 

Divorce can be disruptive, but with love, patients, and support from both parents, you can minimize the impact it has on your child as they enter a new school year. With your help, your child will become resilient and build positive coping skills. Investing time with the other co-parent to make sure that both homes are working together to create a supportive environment, and a sense of stability are vital to support your child through this transition. 

Sources:

- Divorce and Children: 7 Must-Know Coping Strategies 

- Kids of Divorced Parents and The Back-to-School Adjustment

- 7 Tips for Surviving Back to School as a Recently Divorced Parent